Tour Report 2016
Since 2002 members of Old Herts have toured either in the UK or abroad over a chosen weekend period. Following a pre-planned route and with accommodation booked in advance this tour was the fourth visit to Holland having previously toured in 2002, 2008 and 2015. However for the first time we were to drive into Holland before commencing our cycle tour. What follows is the writer’s recollections of the weekend’s events.
At this point I should introduce the tourists all of whom had toured Holland in 2015. Now over time members of Old Herts have acquired nicknames and it would take far too long to explain the meaning behind each in this report. In planning this weekend each member has played a part in its planning and will also assume certain responsibility over the weekend. In no particular order here are the tourists with their nicknames and the part played/responsibilities assumed for the tour:
Keith Glazebrook (KG) – Colonel – Ferry Bookings and Driver & Logistics/Tour Report
Tony Thurston (TT) – Twiggy – Accommodation and Website
Derek Hill (DH) – Delboy – Route Planning and Guide
Graham Thomas (GT) – Pugwash or Nice bloke – Car Parking and Cricket Equipment
Bill Morris (BM) – Kaiser – Driver & Logistics and Cultural Attaché (Entertainment)/Tour Film
Andy Rayner (AR) – Northern Bloke – Chancellor of the Exchequer (Balancing the Tour Budget) and First Aid Kit
Rob Clarke (RC) – Lovely - Accommodation
Simon Letchford (SL) – Letch – Tour Shirt
Kevin Nee (KN) – Octopus – Driver & Logistics and Tour Theme
Peter Lord (PL) – Almighty - Treasurer
The departure plan was to meet at Kevin Nee’s (KN) house in Datchworth at 5.45pm for a 6pm departure to Harwich. All were assembled in time as planned and tourists greeted one another looking forward to the weekend ahead. Juliet the colonel’s wife arrived to give her now traditional farewell to the tourists and Kevin’s wife Denise was also present to bid the group farewell. Remarkably we were only 20 minutes late as the three cars and their cargo left at 6.20pm for the trip to Harwich.
The route would take us up the A10 to join the A120 and then using that road to Harwich whilst momentarily using the A12 along the way. A route well known to all three drivers (KG) (KN) (BM) and tourists in that we have travelled it at least three times before. However it now appears tradition that despite having agreed a pre-planned route one of said drivers for some inexplicable reason will deviate from that route. In 2014 and on our trip to Kent KN decided for some unknown reason to deviate from the agreed route from the M25 and use the M11. It was again KN who in 2015 who on our outward journey to Harwich and then to Holland ignored the opportunity to join the A12 from a well signed roundabout. Well this time KN avoided a hat trick of detours as it was Bill Morris (BM) to fall foul of the same roundabout ignored by KN the year before as we were to join the A12. Despite the best efforts of the Keith Glazebrook (KG) to flash his lights and sound his horn the ‘stricken’ car was off in the wrong direction. Previous experience would tell us that a tour around a local roundabout would bring them back on route. It wasn’t long before they re-joined the convoy.
At 7.55pm we arrived at Harwich and given the good time we had made along the road we decided to take refreshment at The Mayflower Inn on the outskirts of the port. Various meals and drinks were ordered as the group settled down to watch France play Germany in the European Football Championships along with other customers two of whom were sat in front us eating a meal. Clearly in footballing terms Germany have been the nemesis of England in the past which appears to rankle with some of the group. Rob Clarke (RC) decided to round on the German goalkeeper Manuel Neuer in making reference to the ‘Aryan Race’ and described him as a ‘German officer type’. A light hearted comment that raised a small titter within the group. However that alone would have passed off without comment in this report had it not been for the case that the two diners I mentioned earlier and sat in front of us were subsequently identified as being German. Ooops! Now they clearly either didn’t hear the comment or chose to ignore it as we were able to leave the premises without further incident.
As the incoming ferry was delayed it wasn’t until 11 pm that we boarded ‘The Stena Hollandier’. Once on board we took up position in the bar with panniers alongside as we prepared for the first passport shuffle to establish sleeping arrangements and obviously getting a round of drinks. As the first whip-round took place drinks were ordered and consumed.
It was at this early part of the tour that Tony Thurston (TT) admitted to an equipment shortfall in that he had forgotten his drinks bottle. However not to be thwarted he had purchased a bottle on board the boat. Yes he was now the proud owner of a ‘Curious George’ children’s drinks bottle with a red monkey motif proudly displayed on this bright yellow bottle!
Now new readers will need to understand that the passport shuffle which takes the form of drawing lots (passports/character cards) is a daily ceremony that is awaited with some trepidation to establish who will be sharing sleeping arrangements with whom as prescribed by the accommodation provided. Now over time certain tourists have become renowned or reputed to variously fart and or snore in their sleep affecting fellow tourist’s ability to get a good night’s sleep. It is not appropriate that those persons are recognised in this report as certain challenge has been made to the accuracy of the reputations earnt. That said certain external factors that affect snoring and farting do often relate to amounts of drink and/or food consumed and on occasions the physical build of certain tourists. That said this whole process has and continues to give the tourists a great deal of fun as comment and reaction is made as the draw is made. Now despite the best efforts of Stena Line to allot the tourists with their overnight cabins in the two 4 birth and one 2 birth cabins provided the draw was still made. The accommodation was apportioned as follows:
Cabin 11103 – (DH)/ (SL)/ (RC)/ (KG). Cabin 11302 – (AR)/ (TT)/ (PL)/(BM).
Cabin 10359 – (KN)/ (GT).
The tourists went to their newly allotted cabins to deposit their panniers and other equipment then to meet in the restaurant for a meal. Following the meal the group retired to seats adjacent to the restaurant to consume further drink and chat.
Readers will recall that historically sleeping arrangements mentioned earlier are and have been disturbed sometimes by certain individuals snoring. In an attempt to combat this problem (BM) produced two ‘Anti Snore Rings’. The snappy strap line for the product reading ‘Say goodnight to snoring say hello to great mornings’. (BM) explained that they were to be worn on the little finger of the left hand of the nominated and suspected snorer. Research states that the snore ring uses the ancient Chinese practice of acupressure as it creates positive stimulus. It applies light pressure on two specific points on the finger which assist the muscles in the throat and larynx. It assists in clearing the airways by reducing sinus swelling and nasal congestion, thus eliminating the snoring triggers. (DH) and (PL) were chosen as our snoring guinea pigs for the first night.
Again I have to address new readers in the next process that was to follow. Each Old Herts tour has had a theme and drawn from that theme one of the group is tasked to give each cyclist a tour name and identity. Now again it would be a waste of both mine and your time to try and explain the logic and thinking behind some of the themes. This tour was to follow that tradition and the responsibility fell to (KN) to undertake this task. Expectant tourists gathered around to listen to his every word and await their ‘fait’. I will not try to pretend that I understood his diatribe as he introduced this subject. However in his opening address I do recall him making reference to the fact that there were few famous Dutch and Belgian detectives other than Van Der Valk and Hercule Poirot. Then with some dexterity and a seamless move he turned to the board game ‘Cluedo’ as known worldwide.
As in previous years tenuous descriptions were attributed to each tourist as they assumed their new tour identities thus:
(AR) –Captain Robert Brown
(SL) – Dr Black (alias Mr Body)
(PL) – Reverend Green
(TT) – Prince Azure
(DH) – Sergeant Grey
(GT) – Monsieur Alphonse Brunette
(BM) – Count Henry De Beecham
(RC) – Rusty Nayler
(KG) – Colonel Mustard
(KN) – Professor Plum
Each tourist was presented with a card bearing their new tour name and a caricature of said Cluedo character. These new found identities would not require us to undertake any further action and said cards would be used in the previously explained ‘passport shuffle’ now to be known as ‘the Cluedo Shuffle’.
Given the earlier reference to Herule Poirot and the tour theme (BM) then produced a number of packets of stick on Belgian Detective Moustaches. Each tourist was issued with a moustache that would be worn as we entered Belgium on Saturday. They were well received and were the source of mirth and speculation as to who would look good in their new found identity.
Simon Letchford (SL) then produced and delivered the tour shirts to the cyclists for the first time. The shirt was a purpose made cycling top in orange bearing an insignia that included the Old Herts Logo surrounded by the words ‘HAVENT GOT A CLUEDO Holland/Belgium 2016 Old Herts Tour’. Underlining much of this logo was a very black and generous black moustache. Again (SL) had done a great job in colluding with (KN) in its design. These shirts would be worn whilst cycling on Saturday.
Another tour first was then introduced to the group. (SL)/ (KN) explained that there would be a ‘Daily Challenge’. This challenge through the drawing of cards would identify: The Place, The Weapon, The Time (duration) and The Person to undertake the challenge. One draw and one challenge would take place on each day. This will become self-explanatory as you read on.
A tired and excited group of tourists retired at 2.30am. As expected the ship’s alarm call at 7.30am CET (Central European Time) was on time and all tourists paraded on time for breakfast 9 choosing the continental option with Peter Lord (PL) going for a ‘Full English’. Conversation over breakfast included tales of (SL) snoring although Derek Hill (DH) was wearing the Anti Snore Ring. Nothing was heard from (DH) – had the ring worked or had we given it to the wrong person? (PL) the other ring wearer though not reported as snoring was heard to be ‘whistling’ – did the ring work?
At 9 am we docked at the Hook as promised. At 9.30am we disembarked and after one or two detours in the vicinity of The Hook we made our way to Breda. A short stop for (KN) to make adjustments to his cycle rack meant that we arrived at The Novotel at Breda at 11.30am. This would be where the three cars would be left for the weekend to await our return on Sunday.
Friday – Breda to Eindhoven
Cycles and pannier bags were unloaded and tourists made their individual preparations for the weekends cycling. It is at this time I should make mention of a new cycle to the tour owned by (KN)/Professor Plum. A custom made ‘Scot Speedster’ a fine machine but would this make him more punctual, less accident prone and look more attractive in his cycling shorts, I think not. Andy Rayner (AR)/Capt. Brown was to sustain the first breakdown with a puncture in his rear wheel being discovered as he unloaded his cycle. The puncture revealed an equipment shortfall by (AR)/Capt. Brown who didn’t have a pump suitable for his inner tubes? However the puncture repaired we left the hotel car park at 12.20pm.
We rode through the beautiful towns and countryside areas of Bieberg, Roosberg, Eikberg and Hoogearad. At 1.40pm we stopped for lunch in Gilze at the Cafeteria Centrum. The drawing of cards for the Daily Challenge was made which resulted in the following:
The Place – Bicycle. The Weapon – Moustache. Time – 15 minutes. The Person – (SL)/Dr Black. After lunch Dr Black would successfully complete his challenge as he wore his moustache proudly for 15 minutes whilst cycling.
There then followed the ‘Cluedo Shuffle’ which resulted in the following pairings:
(SL)/Dr Black and (TT)/Prince Azure. (KN)/Professor Plum and (BM)/Count Henry De Beecham. (PL)/Reverend Green and (KG)/Colonel Mustard. Graham Thomas (GT)/Monsieur Alphonse Brunette and (AR)/Captain Robert Brown. DH/Sergeant Grey and RC/Rusty Nayler.
Toward the end of the lunch break (AR)/Capt. Brown and (TT)/Prince Azure went in search of a cycle repair shop as Captain Brown had earlier reported having difficulty in changing gear. The repair was completed at the cost of a few euros at a local cycle dealers and we were soon on our way to Eindhoven.
During this ride B(M)/Count Henry De Beecham had had a number of phone calls with a Dutch contact he had made regarding a planned visit and tour of a working windmill. However due to our own delays and the restricted time available to the Dutch ‘windy miller’ the tour was cancelled. However at 4.45pm we arrived at said windmill in Vessem. The ‘Windmill Bergforen Molen Jacobus 1893’ was a splendid structure in excellent condition and provided a great back drop for a group photograph. After this visit and in the centre of Vessem we stopped at The Prior pub for beer, tea, coffee etc. before we resumed our journey arriving at The Van Der Valk Hotel Eindhoven at 7pm.
The afternoons cycling had taken us through Verhoven, Vosserenberg, Boschens West, Tilburg, Hilvarenbeek, Slibroek, Waterstraat, Baaschot and Westerbreers. The day’s total mileage of 49 miles had been enjoyed on a dry, cloudy and cool day with a mostly following wind.
Cycles were stored away and after a quick wash and change we met in the reception at 8.30pm and then into two taxis we were off to town. The decision to eat at ‘The Trafalgar Pub’ on Dommelstraat was quickly made mostly through fatigue and the need for food. Modelled on a traditional London pub it was a good choice. Meals of chicken satay and chips, burger and chips and chicken kiev were ordered with copious amounts of drink. Idle chit chat over the dinner table of politics and other things covered a variety of subjects and are best left on the table. We left the pub at 11.30pm and after a brief stroll caught taxis back to the hotel.
Saturday – Eindhoven to Antwerp
Breakfast was taken at 8.30am which presented a real dilemma for (KN)/Professor Plum as there was no toaster! Additionally it was a hike from the food area to the breakfast tables so as tourists variously forgot elements of their breakfast brief expletives were herd as the distressed tourist(s) trudged back to the buffet area. As ever breakfast chat touched on the previous night’s sleep. The Rev Green reported that Colonel Mustard had been snoring and had evidence to back it up (phone recording) – a new seed? (AR)/Capt. Brown reported snoring from his room-mate (GT)/Monsieur(M.) Alphonse Brunette at force 10 on the Richter scale. M. Brunette countered with a report of an unexpected dawn chorus (fart) from Capt. Brown which he thought may have led to a medical emergency. The talk of snoring begged the question of how the snore rings had been deployed. Disappointingly it was revealed that they had not been used. Still at breakfast Professor Plum admitted to having already lost his moustache only issued him the day before. Various alternatives were offered including a piece of bacon from the Rev. Green.
At 9.20am we were at the bikes preparing for the days ride. Capt. Brown reported having lost a bolt from his rear carrier which was soon resolved. By 9.50am we were off. At 11am and at an unscheduled stop M. Alphonse Brunette produced a welcome packet of ginger nuts. Not to be outdone the Rev. Green produced a jar of pickled eggs for the first time on this tour and some pork scratchings but was met with little interest. Professor Plum used the opportunity to have a not unexpected pee in the neighbouring woods.
At 11.50am the second breakdown of the tour was to fall to (TT)/Prince Azure. Having negotiated a lengthy piece of unmade road the Prince sustained a puncture in his front wheel. In no time at all and in the style of a formula 1 pit team the Prince had replaced the inner tube and we were soon off toward the Belgian border. Just after mid-day we arrived at the Belgian border.
This was the cue for the issued moustaches to be worn, apart from Professor Plum who had lost his and photographs to be taken.
It was a sunny, dry day with a sometimes facing and then cross wind. Now the self-adhesive properties of these moustaches were put to the test as we tried to apply them to our moist (sweaty) top lips. The greater challenge was trying to keep hold of them once we had resumed cycling which caused much laughter. Not long into Belgium and at 12.25pm we stopped for coffee at Witrijt. During this stop the Daily Challenge draw was made with the following result:
The Place – Bicycle. The Weapon – Moustache. Time – 2 hours. The Person – (TT)/Prince Azure. To date we still await the completion of this challenge. I understand that the secret committee (whoever they are) are considering disciplinary action in the face of a blatant disregard for tour protocols.
At 1.45pm and 26 miles travelled we stopped for lunch in Retie. We found an ideal covered seated area outside of a sandwich bar which stood adjacent to a drinks bar which also had its own covered drinking area next to where we were sat. Enquiries revealed that a ‘mayors edict’ prohibited alcohol from the drinks bar being consumed in the covered area of the sandwich bar. The net result was that we ordered a cross section of baguettes and soft drinks from the sandwich bar which went down very well. During our stop a splendid procession of vintage American cars passed us shortly to be followed by a trailer load of young farmers distributing leaflets advertising one of their functions.
At this time (BM)/Count Henry De Beecham tried to film a series of rehearsed walk ups by individual tour members in a sky sports style football team presentation. It is fair to say that one or two tourists had difficulty in understanding what was required of them with extra takes having to be made. The interference by Rev. Green and latterly Capt. Brown only added to the Counts frustration who got as close to swearing as I have ever known as he tried to complete this task.
During this lunch break the ‘Cluedo Shuffle’ took place with the following pairings:
(KN)/Professor Plum and (KG)/Colonel Mustard. (BM)/Count Henry De Beecham and (AR)/Capt. Brown. (DH)/Sgt Grey and (SL)/Dr Black. (PL)/Rev. Green and (RC)/Rusty Nayler. (GT)/M. Alphonse Brunette and (TT)/Prince Azure.
The snore rings were resurrected for the forthcoming nights slumber and were issued to Capt. Brown and Dr Black.
At 2.30pm we resumed our journey towards Antwerp in what was now very hot and humid weather conditions. Moving from Holland to Belgium we left behind the ornate uniqueness of Dutch architecture with their well-ordered gardens and verges. Along the route the change in road and cycleway condition was also noticeable as we left the well built and maintained roads and cycle ways of Holland. In Belgium we encountered poorly maintained roads and cycle ways and communities that appeared less well maintained than the Dutch.
At 4.30pm we stopped for a much needed drink at a bar in Vorselaar. Water bottles were also replenished during what was to be our longest day’s cycling of the weekend (61 miles). A further stop was made in Wommelgem for ice creams as we cycled through the outer reaches of Antwerp. As we arrived in the outskirts of the old town of Antwerp cobbled streets presented a whole range of new challenges to the group before arriving at The Hotel Tryp at 7pm.
At 8.15pm having stored the cycles and after a wash and change we left in taxis for the old town. Reservations had been made at ‘The De Groote Witte Arend’ (The White Eagle) by Count Henry De Beecham, a delightful medieval styled open air courtyard restaurant. A very busy and popular venue just off the hustle of the old town. Orders were eventually made for meals of either Rabbit or Beef Stew and chicken which were eventually washed down with very welcome drinks. During the meal Professor Plum introduced the ‘Wink Murder Game’. From what I recall of the rules a murderer was secretly identified from pieces of paper drawn at the start of the game by individual players. That person then had to murder fellow diners by winking at them without discovery from other living souls.
After the meal various groups went their own way as they discovered the old town and its watering holes. The centre piece of this most beautiful part of the town was the cathedral. A towering edifice of architectural brilliance that complemented the cobbled streets and period buildings below. The evening was concluded as we all met up at The Aurora Café where late night drinks were taken before catching taxis back to the hotel.
Sunday – Antwerp to Breda
Breakfast was taken at 8.30am with all tourist complaining of how hot their rooms had been. Count Henry De Beecham reported an early ‘rumble’ (snore) from Capt. Brown but on his instruction he (Capt. Brown) rolled over and all was good thereafter. Sgt Grey reported snoring from Dr Black which resulted in him turning the air conditioning on ‘full tilt’. This drowned the noise of snoring and enabled Sgt Grey to sleep whilst at the same time it woke Dr Black up who was then unable to sleep. Dr Black had been issued with a snoring ring which must question their validity and claims they make especially as an initial snore was also heard from Capt. Brown the other snore ring wearer. Were the ring recipients wearing the rings, if so were they wearing the rings correctly? Not a scientific study but a brief glimpse of the claims made by this controversial device are not conclusive.
At 10am we left this beautiful old town over the cobbled streets and listening to the peel of bells from the cathedral. It was a hot, sunny day with variously a cross and following wind being experienced throughout the day. The day was to be the hottest of the weekend at 31 degrees.
At 11.30am we arrived at a mini golf course at Schoonbroek which was to be the venue for the Old Herts tour sporting challenge a tradition on Old Herts Cycling Tours. The group was divided into two Teams of Veterans and Non Veterans. Vets consisted of: Colonel Mustard, Capt. Brown, Rev. Green Professor Plum and Prince Azure. Non Vets consisted of: Rusty Nayler, Sgt Grey, M. Alphonse Brunette, Count Henry De Beecham and Dr Black. The course was compact and the 18 holes were variously raised on a bed of asbestos type fabric. The two groups started separately from holes numbered 1 and 9 as they took shelter from the mid-day sun. During the proceedings the golfers were taken to task by the ‘greenkeeper’ who cautioned against standing on the asbestos greens and fairways. The course was completed with much gamesmanship and laughter and the results returned were as follows:
Vets: Colonel Mustard 56, Capt. Brown 57, Rev. Green 59, Professor Plum 68 and Prince Azure 79. Total Score – 319. Highest number of holes in one – Colonel Mustard with 3 holes.
Non Vets: Dr Black 48 (bandit), Sgt Grey 53, Count Henry De Beecham 57, M. Alphonse De Beecham 60 and Rusty Nayler 71. Total Score – 289. Highest number of holes in one – Count Henry De Beecham with 2 holes.
After the exertions on the golf course and a welcome drink and replenishing of drinks bottles we continued on our way towards Holland and Breda. At a map changing interlude along the road Rev. Green offered up his pickled eggs and pork scratchings. One or two tourists took advantage of the Reverends impromptu buffet whilst the majority gave them a wide berth as they had throughout the weekend.
We passed through Schriek and Hoogboomsteenweg before we arrived at what was to be the lunch stop for the day at the very fashionable Van De Valk Hotel (popular name for hotels in Holland) at Dennenhof. It was 2.15pm and shelter from the sun was sought under a very fashionable sun shade with the hotel manager being more than accommodating in making us comfortable. Meals were chosen from a very imposing menu selection and again washed down with copious amounts of drink.
During this stop the Daily Challenge draw was made with the following result:
The Place – Dinner. The Weapon – Union Jack Sunglasses. Time – 2 hours. The Person – (DH)/Sgt Grey.
That evening Sgt Grey undertook and completed his challenge in typical fashion as he wore the sunglasses (supplied by (SL)/(KN)) as we dined at ‘Dickens and Jones’ Restaurant in Breda.
Whilst we were still lunching the ‘Cluedo Shuffle’ also took place with the following pairings:
(AR)/Capt. Brown and (PL)/Rev. Green. (KN)/Professor Plum and (SL)/Dr Black. (DH)/Sgt Grey and (GT)/M. Alphonse Brunette. (KG)/Colonel Mustard and (BM)/Count Henry De Beecham and (RC)/Rusty Nayler and (TT)/Prince Azure.
Before setting off the hotel staff refilled water bottles with ice cooled water a real treat on such a hot day. By 4.10pm we had reached Wernhout where we stopped for an ice cream and a welcome break from the saddle and the sun. Now readers and tourists of an earlier Old Herts Tour to Belgium will recall a certain difficulty in navigating our way out of one country (Belgium) into another (France). As we set off from Wernhout little did we know that we would have that sense of Deja Vu as we battled our old demons to get out of Belgium and into Holland. Along long stretches of main road we road at a furious pace in what we thought was the right direction. Various enquiries with local cyclists, our maps and of course reference to GPS provided guidance and confusion in equal amounts together with any amount of unsolicited comment from within the group. Nonetheless at 7pm and after 43 miles we arrived back at The Novotel
Hotel in Breda.
Cycles were put into store for the night and following the statutory wash and change we left the hotel at 7.45pm in taxis bound for Breda town centre. Breda is a very picturesque town festooned with flowers and a canal that passes through a central plaza. Little time was spent in choosing ‘Dickens and Jones’ as our restaurant for our evening meal. We ate and drank well. As we did so Sgt Grey floated the idea of a sweepstake for the result of the match on 90 minutes of play of the European Championship 2016 Football Cup Final being played that very evening. The necessary pieces of paper were prepared and at a cost of 1 euro per head the draw was made.
At 9.45pm we retired to a local bar in the Grote Markt a short distance from the restaurant to view the remains of the first half of the game and the conclusion of the match. The match between Portugal and France was being played at The Stade De France with France being the probable favourites to win.
During the half time interval with a goal less score line we were treated to an impromptu cabaret by the owner of the bar playing selectively glass bottles and a variety of metal pots and pans suspended above the bar to whatever music was being played on the bars sound system with the odd vocal accompaniment thrown in. As the second half of the game got underway drinks continued to flow which in the case of Capt. Brown was an apt description as he ‘chucked’ a litre of beer over his fellow northern mate the Reverend Green. Was this a northern tradition or just an accident? Banter was exchanged between the Old Herts Team and some locals as shots were made by their favoured teams and crossbars and posts were hit as tourists anticipated more in hope than anything else that they would take the prize. At the full time whistle the goal less score line revealed AR/Capt. Brown to be the winner of the sweepstake. The game continued into extra time with Eder scoring a late winner for Portugal. We left the bar about midnight which was a cue for Sgt Grey and Dr Black to sample the fayre of a local kebab shop. Taxis returned us to the hotel and after a lengthy debate regarding the time we would meet for breakfast the following morning we retired at 12.30am.
Monday – Breda to the Hook and Home
Breakfast was taken at 8.30am as planned. The overnight pairings threw up one or two incidents. Professor Plum reported a force of nature snoring from Dr Black. A counter allegation was made by Dr Black of Professor Plum snoring like a ‘hubble-bubble pipe’. The Rev. Green reported that Capt. Brown was ‘blowing’ as distinct from snoring. Count Henry De Beecham reported the odd rumble from Colonel Mustard when laying on his back. Apparently this was overcome by the Count making some clicking sounds like Skippy the Bush Kangaroo (60’s Australian TV Series) which had the miraculous effect of moving the Colonel off his back. But where were the snore rings when you wanted them. Had the group lost confidence in these devices, did they live up to their billing and deliver what they promised. Well the jury is still out as yet again the snore rings had not been deployed. After breakfast we loaded the cycles and panniers onto to the cars in preparation for the trip back to the Hook.
What about the cricket equipment I hear the more discerning reader ask. I refer you to the opening page of this report and in particular the responsibilities undertaken by various tourists. You will see that (GT)/M. Alphonse Brunette was responsible for said cricket equipment. As in previous years this meant that he carried the bat, ball, stumps and bails (kids size) throughout the tour on his cycle waiting for another Old Herts Tour custom and sporting challenge ‘a game of cricket’.
Now much of this and other tours is characterised by meticulous and calculated planning. However other matters are impromptu, random and whims of fancy. It is fair to say that on this tour the game of cricket fell into the latter category as despite M. Alphonse Brunette carrying this additional load for the 153 miles of this tour no game had been played. In fact with hindsight the equipment could have been left in the cars awaiting our return to Breda to the complete chagrin of M. Alphonse. In order to avoid a hissing fit from the said Monsieur Alphonse a hastily arranged yet enjoyable game of cricket took place on a piece of grass within the hotel grounds.
The cricket pitch for right handed batsman was flanked by a ditch on the on or leg side and fenced tennis courts to the off side. The rules of the game meant that each person batted for two overs in trying to score as many runs as possible. A ball going in the ditch was awarded one run whilst reaching the fence to the tennis courts was either a four or six runs. Should any persons be out for whatever reason 5 points would be deducted from their score as they continued to bat for the full two overs. Potentially this meant that negative scores could be achieved and they were.
Batting was somewhat of a lottery not the least of which through who you were lucky enough to face as a bowler with all tourists taking their turn to bowl. Bowling action varied from the silky smooth action of Rusty Nayler to the ‘throw’ from the Rev. Green that was akin to launching a grenade. The less than even pitch also meant that the game was reduced to a lottery although those that scored well will dispute such conjecture. The scores achieved in batting order were as follows:
(GT)/M. Alphonse De Beecham -3
(BM)/Count Henry De Brunette 7
(KN)/Professor Plum 10
(PL)/Rev. Green -2
(AR)/Capt. Brown 3
(DH)/Sgt Grey 7
(RC)/Rusty Nayler 0
(KG)/Colonel Mustard 0
(TT)/Prince Azure 3
Stumps were drawn at 11.30am which gave us time for a coffee before leaving the hotel at mid-day.
The route from Breda back to the Hook was trouble free as we arrived at the port by 1.15pm and was on board the ferry by 1.30pm. Having boarded the ferry the group took up an early position adjacent to the Sun Deck. In order to retain our seats dinner was taken in shifts as the cyclists chose from the same menu as they had on the outward sailing. We set sail at 2.20 p.m. CET as the cyclists variously ate, drank and slept with a number going to the cinema to watch the film Independence Day. Some of the group also tested their weary brains with various crosswords and games found in the Daily Mail.
We disembarked at Harwich at 7.50 pm GMT and started the journey home. However progress was stopped at 8.25pm when we met a solid queue of traffic on the A12 near Colchester. The site of the Air Ambulance landing ahead of us confirmed that it was something serious as car engines were turned off. At 9pm the road was cleared and we resumed our journey arriving in Abbots Close Datchworth at 10.15pm. As the cycles were unloaded and pannier bags claimed the intrepid cyclists congratulated and thanked one another and bade each other farewell.
In Closing
To the countries and people of both Holland and Belgium thank you for your beauty and your hospitality and making cycling so safe and so enjoyable. In closing I make no apology for reiterating the sentiments I used in last year’s report. This tour was again a most successful and enjoyable way to spend a weekend. Any success is due in no small way to those that take part, those that accept responsibility and take on tasks to plan and make this weekend happen. In that I congratulate each and every member of this Old Herts tour group who all played their part. Moreover it is the friendship that is everlasting within this group that welds the whole thing together and makes it such fun. These memories will live with us all for a very long time. Thank you all.
Keith Glazebrook (KG)/ The Colonel/ Colonel Mustard